I'm a retreater. When life gets overwhelming, when the road gets hard, when I face those inevitable bumps in the road and I find my heart a little bruised from the wear and tear of an imperfect world, I retreat.
It doesn't matter where the hurt and disappointments come from...more often than not I am in the front of the line when they are handed out, giving my fair share with my very own set of expectations for the people in my world.
It is far easier for me to close the door and protect my heart while waiting for time to heal and I find a rug to brush things under, than it is to face life head on. I wish I had more courage. I wish I didn't fear what letting go might bring. But I do...so, I retreat.
Sorry for this melancholy post but my life is real and sometimes it can get messy. I am sitting here looking at the keys on my computer wondering if this is one I hit publish on or if I simple close the screen and call it therapy?
But then it occurs to me that your lives are complicated, too. No matter how many pretty pictures we post, life is not and cannot be perfect because we are not. It also occurs to me that this is why we seek out the beauty, the flowers, the happy porches and smiling kids because even hard, imperfect lives are good and rich and meaningful and full of little joys.
A friend just said to me, will all this matter in five years? Will these giants you are facing seem as large down the road? The honest answer is, I don't know. Some of them may, I know many of them will not. What I do know is that my faith tells me that I have a Savior that has my yesterdays, today's and tomorrows in the palm of his hand and He hasn't let go of me yet. And with that knowledge I find a little more courage and a lot more hope than I could ever muster on my own.
And so I start each day seeking out the pockets of beauty everywhere and not a day goes by that I don't find it all around. (I'm fine mom, just feeling a little bruised...no need to worry.)