My hope is that this blog is like a visit between friends. I enjoy hearing from you and will try to reply to you in the comment section right after your comment, so stop back by and continue the conversation. - Patty

July 28, 2012

a nurturing heart

Losing someone you love tends to magnify the best and the worst in families.   I was never so proud to be a part of a family than the days before and after my dad's passing.  I have never felt more sure that I was loved and a part of something very special.



Now that a little time has passed it seems our need to ease others pain can sometimes prevent the grief process from working it's way through the stages required to bring about true healing. 


Our desire to protect our children can cause us to over react to the small things so that we don't have to face dealing with the big things.  We try to use a band aid to stop our hearts from breaking.  That only works for a little while.



Loving, grieving and healing are all a natural part of life and death. Even when they are painful, they can't be rushed...they can't be brushed under the rug...not if we are to truly be restored.



Our family is not so different from any other. We may bicker and fuss and fret amongst each other but let any outsider come against one of us and you take on the whole lot of us.

I have seen grief look different on each of us and I have learned how important it is not to lose sight of one anothers heart even for a moment.


It took me a while to realize that while it is so important to protect and nurture others, there comes a time when you have to focus inward or there is nothing left to give.  I got that trait from my mom...

As selfish as it may sound, I am going to focus on nurturing my own heart for the entire month of August.  In some small way, I am planning to do something just for me each day. 

Why don't you try it with me?  I am sure your heart could use some filling, too.

xo, Patty

22 comments:

  1. Great post. Great thoughts on a difficult subject. I really think that you have come up with a great plan. Sometimes we are so focused on what others need that we forget about ourselves. Here is a big HUG from me to you.

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  2. Patty, I think that is a most wonderful idea!!! I know that for me, it took me a good long while to feel "normal" again. And it is different for each person. Do spend the entire month, focusing on what your heart needs. I think it will do you a world of good!!!! Sweet photos, I loved them!
    I also loved your previous post! I would have had to arm wrestle you for the rooster if I had been with you at Home Goods!!!!
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  3. I love your idea! And I think you should do this for yourself. Just wanted you to know...I featured you on my blog today, of blogs I'm loving right now.
    Brenda

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  4. Patty,
    Comforting post! Thank you for reminding us that if we don't fill ourselves...we have NOTHING to give to one another!
    Fondly,
    Pat

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  5. Patty, That's a greatd idea, enjoy those adorable children, they have a way of making things better!! Have a wonderful weekend!

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  6. Thnak you. Plain and simply, thank you. I'm having a tough time at the moment and reading your post today renewed the strength I needed :)

    Jerra xx

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  7. I truly related to this post! When I was hurting the most, I felt the pain of others the strongest. I'll join you in nurturing myself in some small way, each day, in August. ~ Maureen

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  8. Very well said. My BFF was just visiting with me and was so sad for me and the issues I'm dealing with. She said I need to think of myself as well. I will try to do this more, but it's hard. Hugs to you.

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  9. I am so sorry you have lost, and are sad.

    I want you to know - my first visit to your blog - that I am sending heart-felt prayers for you.

    And DO nurture yourself.

    Blessings to you,

    Michele from Finch Rest

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  10. Oh Patty I could tell from the day I first met you you were a giver. Yes, allow yourself some pleasures this month and even maybe a good cry if you need it. If you still want to go to breakfast let me know and I will try and be a good listener and not do so much talking. Love ya' sister!!

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  11. You need to be nurtured as well..I know what you are going thru..I lost my Dad long ago but I lost my husband 8 years ago and am just now accepting the loss...Take time for you...

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  12. It's funny how some blogs fit what is going on right now with me. Or others will bring up memories you have loved in ones own life. I have a dear friend that passed away 4 months ago. She and I talk about things that we wouldn't talk to anyone else about. Her name came up on facebook this morning. Her account was still going. And yes I made a post to her. Made me feel better. But at times like this, I have to just walk away or I'll put myself in a sorrowful place. Remember the best of times and Love the memory.

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  13. The main thing with the grieving process is to be patient with yourself and others....we all grieve differently...and the way you grieve will change also over time. When my Dad died last year I began the same process you described here...nurturing my heart...and it is such a journey of self-discovery. Today while coming out of Ruby Tuesdays I noticed on the curb...a half smoked cigar...just sitting there...right next to our car...I couldn't help but close my eyes and spend a moment with my Dad...if I haven't been nurturing my heart...slowing down to smell the roses....I would not have noticed the 'visit' from my Dad. Be patient with yourself on this journey...it is a diamond in the rough. Hugs.

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  14. Patty ~ I agree with you. When you lose someone, you try and make others pain go away. Especially the children. BUT if you don't take care of yourself, you have nothing to give to the children. I lost a 7 month old daughter a while ago and I had an 11 year old daughter. I did the best I could, but then I crashed. Take care my friend, take care of yourself and then you can take care of others.


    (((Hugs)))

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  15. What a great post- I have a hard time nurturing myself. We are grieving the date of the loss of a grandchild today- so I am right there with you- xo Diana

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  16. Patty,
    I think this is a wonderful idea, and I don't think it sounds selfish at all.
    Prudent. You have to be able to restore, relax, and fill up your reserves again.

    Smiles :)
    Kerin

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  17. Patty, Im so sorry for the loss of your dad.. I lost my dad when I was a little girl so my mom was the glue that held my small family together. We lost her in 1999 and as for the grieving..Everyone is different and no, you can't rush it and yes putting a band aid on it only works for so long and it hurts even more when ripping that band aid off.. I think takin August for yourself is a good idea..
    Much Love
    Robyn

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  18. Great idea! I try and make me time each day and I can tell when I am getting overwhelmed and need a break from family and responsibilities. Sometimes we have to come first. :) Kit

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  19. I breathed in and out with a deep sigh...I totally get this. May your August bring healing and refreshing as you take care of yourself and allow yourself the time you need...each of us do work it out differently and in different time spans

    Great post!

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  20. I love this idea, Patty. Even though I'm retired, my days seem to be focused on the needs of others. I love every minute of it, but there are days when I feel totally out of fuel. I think some me nurturing may be just the thing.

    God bless you ... the whole month of August and beyond.

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  21. We tend to take care of everyone else's needs until we finally crash. I think nurturing your own heart is a great idea.

    take care.

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