Some of my favorite faith filled blogs are written by thirty something year old women and while I am encouraged and inspired by their words, they are in a different season of their lives than me. So I started wondering what does the faith walk of a fifty year old, married woman, with grown children and small grandchildren, living in a wannabe cottage, trying to be creative and fulfill my dreams while needing grace and counting my blessings look like?
And, after walking this thing out all these years where do you even begin?
I was always taught that if you don't know where to start, start with now...so here goes.
The break down...
on being fifty - I wish I could say my faith at fifty was that of a mature woman of God, never doubting and always ready with a perfectly memorized scripture. But Lord knows that would be a lie. It seems at 50 I still struggle with the same issues I did at ten...being accepted, measuring up, not being a disappointment, basically being the good girl. It takes a lot of effort to keep that image afloat. My head knows that I am saved by grace and not by works, it's just getting my heart on board that's the problem. I just bought grace for the good girl by Emily Freeman, hopefully I'll gain some insight from her writings. I'll let you know next week.
on being married - When I got married being equally yoked was not even a phrase on my radar. I loved Jesus and I knew my husband was raised "going to church' but to be honest, he was a really cute drummer in a band and my 21 year old heart was all a flutter... nuff said. We've made it 28 years the hard way, without Jesus at the center of our relationship. We've developed an understanding of where we both are in our walk and most of the time have agreed to disagree. Bridging this gap is still my hearts desire and deepest prayer.
on having grown children - I have two daughters in their twenties. Most days me and my girls are okay, even pretty tight. In retrospect, I spent so many years trying to make them into the "good girls" of my dreams that I failed to encourage them in theirs. This area of my life has so many different dynamics that I think I'll leave it right here, for today.
on having grandchildren - Ahhhh, this is an easy one. The absolute best thing in the world. In so many ways one of God's greatest gifts to parents is grandchildren but also one of the biggest responsibilities, too. I often think of Timothy's godly grandmother and how she shaped and prepared him to be used by God and I remember that God desires no less of me.
on living where I do - We have lived in five different homes in our 28 years of marriage and this little cottage is by far my favorite. I could be happy here forever. That being said, I am one who has to work at contentment on a daily basis, the proverbial "grass is always greener" girl. God and I are working on things like covetousness and idolatry over this little house.
on being creative - I am forever thankful that God gave me a desire to create beautiful things. I would love to be able to use those gifts to serve Him when I retire from work in a couple of years.
on having dreams - I had hoped that by fifty I would have achieved so much more than I have but I realize that God uses each season of my life to develop me for what is to come. I realize now that my finite dreams do not even come close to His dreams for me. So while I still have things I hope to accomplish, I am fully expectant that he will continue to guide me and direct my path, placing me exactly where I need to be to best be used by Him.
on receiving grace - Oh how I wish I could re-do and un-do areas of my past life. Things I squandered time and money on...things I wish I'd stood up for...things I wish I'd let go of...but I can't. I can only receive God's grace in these areas and move forward, really accepting God's forgiveness and not wasting today on what I can't change about yesterday.
on being blessed - Where do I start for fear of leaving something out? I'll start this week simply with being chosen by God to be his...it all stems from there.
I'll share in a little more detail next week. I'd love to hear your faith walk today...Leave me a comment or a link if you post about it.
Faithfully His, Patty